At the game's opening, Toy Story Mania seems to promise a collection of household toy games made huge, as played by those iconic animated dolls, Woody, Buzz, BoPeep and friends.
But that's soon revealed to be a horrible, cruel tease as the game immediately devolves into a nearly relentless series of target shooting games, apparently inspired by the Disneyland Resort attraction of the same name, which apparently only features a midway full of shooting galleries, differentiated only by the backdrop and targets in each.
Okay, fine, a target shooting game, gallery style. Fair enough.
But it's not even good target shooting, merely a spam-fest featuring unlimited ammunition and scant few bonus goals beyond shoot all red balloons, ring four toy rockets in a row, shoot the gold dinner plate, win a prize or access to the next level of spam shooting.
And you can't so much quit or drop out without being forced to start over from scratch. So much for "take a break and go play outside."
Worse, you often can't aim properly. Though it's almost impossible to miss anything blindfolded, the target reticule/cursor often disappears inexplicably.
Worse than worse, the end of some rounds requires players to shake or wave the Wii Remote Controller (Wii-mote) to intimate the likes of fanning a wind or throttling a hobbyhorse to death. These bits are utterly incongruous; mere filler screaming "hey kids! Let's pump our firm white wands up and down really fast!" Seriously, it's that creepy. It's not at all unlike Alec Baldwin's famous SNL skit of "shaking" the Wii-mote with seriously suggestive vigor, panting heroically upon completion of the task in hand. Ha ha.
Granted, there a few games that don't involve pointing at the screen and whapping the A-button for five minutes straight. There's a ball rolling game and one bizarro cheeseball gimmick that has you twirling the Wii-mote so as to dance like a pig. Er, piggy bank.
And there's one mildly-engaging but short lived game of virtual Labyrinth, ye olde school game of rolling a ball bearing through a maze on an gimbal.
Should you endure Toy Story Mania's scant one hour of spam shooting story mode, you'll unlock some 3D features - the game comes with 3D glasses, though it does little to explain why.
However, as reviewed with a crew of kids aged 6, 9 and 11 (coincidentally, the exact demographic Disney's sell sheet suggests to be the game's Primary Target Audience), Toy Story Mania was unanimously declared "stupid" within 5, 8 and 10 minutes.
After a forced full session, all involved opted to skip the unlocked 3D segments and ditch Toy Story Mania forever everafter in favor of something way more fun. Namely, eating broccoli.
That Disney can make such a pathetic hunk of merchandise and brand it with iconic characters is one thing - it's the company's M.O. in most other cases. But, to sell it at a "real game" price of $50, not the $20 dollar "value" price point most hapless hackjobs of this ilk apologetically solicit, well that just smacks of impenitent corporate greed. It's an insult not only to gamers of all ages, but to all parents with kids pining for dated paraphernalia featuring a cloth cowboy and a plastic spaceman, only to receive the firm white wand, Disney style.
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