The story, mind you, is pretty flat, which is disappointing considering there are characters named Vanilla, Coriander, Marjoram, Fennel, Savory, and Basil. The gist of it, such that it is, is that Vanilla has amnesia, joins the band the Garland Globetrotters, and eventually has to make a choice between them and a nefarious criminal underground organization known as the Bloody Mantis. There's also something about murder and mayhem on the high seas, a traitorous friend (complete with a redemption arc), and romantic tribulations. Yet it all unfolds with so little fanfare it's difficult to care about any of it.
Meanwhile, you rampage across the countryside in your Trotmobile, a fully customizable all-terrain, all-purpose robotic weapon of mass destruction that moves in full 3D when you're out in the field, yet degenerates into a traffic-signal abiding, non-descript transportation box moving on rails when you're inside city walls. There's also some realism included--moving costs gas, which you can get by defeating enemies or buying it from the nearest mechanic pit stop.
Vanilla himself has to gas up on pastries or cheese hunks to avoid starvation, which results in him moving slowly with a hand to his belly. There's also a game timer that lets you know if it's morning, noon, evening, or night, and many people or stores are inaccessible if you don't show up at the right hour.
When you follow the story, the gameplay centers around two main actions; either fighting or traveling using your Trotmobile, or playing sets with the Garland Globetrotters in a simple rhythm game that changes slightly depending on what instrument you're playing. What doesn't change, however, are the god-awful song choices, which are all soft pop songs that sound like rejected single compositions for American Idol winners.
Despite all this, there is so much obvious effort put into the game, from the spoken dialogue, the incredibly long list of collectible items (clothing parts, Trotmobile parts, paintings, gems, fossils, pool cues, arena prizes, musical instruments, film reels, etc.), and the multiplicity of side quests that involve anything from kicking out the freeloading boyfriend of a mysterious female Trotmobile champion named Saffron, to convincing three potential girlfriends of your own to "clean your ears", which I guess is the Teen-rated equivalent of getting some Hot Coffee, and no, I am not kidding about the ears thing.
Stuff like that is what bumps Steambot Chronicles up in quality, since there are hardly any other titles out there that offer such a huge selection of things to do, whether hanging out at the pool hall hustling the locals, excavating for giant fossils to fill up a looted museum, or talking to the people wandering about, just to see what weird thing someone will say next.
Despite the game's weak center, there's just so much chocolaty goodness surrounding it that you can't help but enjoy yourself.
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